Tech Support in Marriage The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius! The query: Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue): Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0. Good Luck Tech Support
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self- defense.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, sans-serif]After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"[/FONT] [FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The student replied, "BIG ones."[/FONT]
A teacher is asking her class questions for an upcoming quiz. She calls on Donna and asks her to use the word "dictate" in the form of a sentence. Immediately, little Johnny's hand shoots into the air wiggling furiously...Donna replies "I will dictate to you what I would like you to write." Very good Donna! The teacher turned and asked Billy, "Billy, give us another example." Meanwhile Johnny is feverishly trying to get the teachers attention. Billy replies, " The amount of rain will dictate how well the crops will grow." "Well done" the teacher exclaimed Finally turning her attention to Johnny. "Johnny, can you use the word dictate in the form of a sentence? Johnny eagerly replies " I sure can! ... Hey Donna, How's my dictate?" Johnny was suspended.
Johnny came back to school. Another quiz, more questions from the teacher. "Donna, use the word fascinate in the form of a sentence..." Donna replied, JRR Tolkien tells stories that are sure to facinate." Again, little Johnny's hand shoots up in the air, but this time the teacher ignores him for several minutes, and through several very well spoken answers. Johnny still sitting there with his hand wiggling in the air. The teacher looks his way, "Johnny, can you use the word fascinate in the form of a sentence?" Johnny thinks for a minute, then replies. "My aunt Linda has a beautiful 10 button blouse that she likes to wear, but her ***'s are so big she can only fascinate!"